It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
How's work?
Spinning.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
