blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
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