Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
