Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
we made out on top of his cat.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
