I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
How drunk are you?
Completed.
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
