I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
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