Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I need to align my fucking chakras
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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