dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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