Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
