Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
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