totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
Randomize
