I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
