i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
