I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
