Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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