eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
