Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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