as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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