Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
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