I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She needs sedatives and a leash
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I have tasted many bathrooms
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
Randomize
