I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
