K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
