i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
We're too hungover to prance.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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