he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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