That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
