I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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