im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
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