if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
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