Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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