hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
wow bdsm is so cute
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
