How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
I just forgot I was standing up.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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