No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Faking my way through an entire party as a British exchange student. Wish me luck.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
