I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
