i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
