Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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