Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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