i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
