You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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