y did u give ur computer a hand job?
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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