I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Too much gin, very little bucket
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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