mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
