I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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