OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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