what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
