Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so let's talk penis.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
