before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
