Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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