By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
