Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
