I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I can do it, this is my punishment and I will accept it, plus id like to see the look on peoples faces when I throw up on them
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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